Revolution: Still

There is literally nothing worse than your night turning shitty at the drop of a hat, being hungry, and having your c02 alarm beep nonstop for no reason. Giant sigh. Done complaining now.

I rarely have time to stop and think about anything in my day with handling estate information along with going on with my own life and handling my shit that I put on hold. It’s now, right before I attempt to rest and fall asleep, that I start thinking of my mother and I feel like I’m being crushed in a trash compactor. It’s been 1 week. I miss her and I’m hearing her voice in my head, seeing her smiling face. I feel like I can still call her. It’s ripping me apart realizing that she won’t be here for a lot of things that I wanted her to be around for. I keep telling myself that she will be with me no matter what. It just hasn’t all sunk in yet. I’m still wrapping my head around how fast this happened. I’m going back to work tomorrow and I hope I can make it through a day without complication. I’m not ready to live the rest of my life without parents at all. It’s the loneliest feeling you can have.

Tonight I lost my mom. I am completely beside myself. She was an incredibly strong woman. She fought a 15 year battle with breast cancer and I can’t believe she didn’t let a single bit of it stop her. She went peacefully, on her own terms. I am so happy that I had an amazing mom like her, one who was both my mother and my father. I will never forget all of the things she taught me. There are so many things she won’t be around for in my life and that is was makes this so hard. I’m only 22, but I could’ve lost her much sooner. I’m thankful for all the years I had her beyond the original terminal diagnosis. There’s so much to do now and I have no idea how to do anything. I just have to stay strong like she would’ve told me to. I keep hearing her voice in my head. I’m just relieved that she is no longer in pain.

I am having trouble being strong through this and I definitely need to figure out how to heal.

This time is even worse than the last. Renal failure, ventilator and a comatose state. It’s so up in the air right now and I not prepared to be able to handle it. I just want my mom better but I don’t know if it’ll happen this time.

There is nothing more I want right now than for my mother to be healthy and happy and to have just one full year, 365 days, where she feels good and isn’t sick. My mom is currently in the ICU with a breathing machine. It isn’t fair.

Important hair question(s)?

And a quick update. Hi everyone! I’ve been overwhelmed by life events and career changes and school so I am not posting as much as id like but I’ll do my best in future. It’s amazing how little free time I have these days.

Anyway, FIRST serious question for followers and non-followers, while I’m thinking about it. I’ve been taking extremely good care of my hair lately and I’m going to be getting the current color mess removed and re-colored professionally. I have very little success with home removal processes. So what is the professional process like on thin hair? My hair isn’t the thinnest ever but it’s super fine but handles product extremely well for what it is.

SECOND, I may or may not be going for extensions after I re-color. Reason is simple, my hair is fine and somewhat thin and I just want more body and length. What kind of extensions should I go for? I don’t want clip ins or tape. I had both at one point. Clips, I don’t want to worry about them looking the same every day and tape is just not fun to deal with for me.

Okay go! And thanks in advance

I need kidney help

So, I’ve been having some really terrible back pain lately and it’s so bad at night. I thought originally that it was the mattress I have but I bought a topper and slept in a different bed on vacation with the same results. It’s so damn sore. In my lower to middle back and now the pain is spreading to around my sides above my hips and specifically hurting worse on my left side (non-appendix). I’m seeing my doctor this week because I can’t take having to sleep with a pillow between my legs anymore to try and relieve it. I just want some input now.

So back injury? Kidney ailments? Something else? Crohn’s related perhaps? I just want some real world input.